Change, Growth, and Human Nature

Writing about technology is risky business. Today, it’s hard to develop an argument
free of bias or group identity. We judge someone as young and intelligent, or
old and stale based on which side they are on. But instead of asking, “is
technology good for us or will it eventually lead to a robot army takeover?” we
can ask “what has changed in our society since the technology boom? What about
our ability to think for ourselves? What about our ability to socialize?”

Ben Wiseman has a lot to say about the latter – how technology has changed the way
we socialize with one another. He tells us to take it easy with laying the
blame on the technology, and instead, blame the parents. Blame ourselves.

The idea that we are at fault for our own degenerating ability to socialize is
interesting not only because it is different but because it raises important
questions. What are we doing wrong now that we weren’t doing before? Wiseman
answers the question in his article by proposing that parents hold their
children to too many regulations, that the media has been projecting false
images, and that children are under so much pressure and such a tight schedule
that socializing with friends in person, simply isn’t possible. The argument led
me to put some deep thought into the differences between myself and my parents.
I do believe that both of my parents socialized more than I do. My dad grew up
in China during the 70’s and wears his childhood with a lot of pride.

“I played pretend war with my classmates, and it often got rough.” he would tell
me, spreading his feet apart and squaring his shoulders.

My mom grew up as an adopted child in Norway (her biological parents are Korean
although she identifies herself completely as a Norwegian) and I can say much
more about her childhood than I can about my father’s. The apartment in which
my mom grew up in is still home to most of her friend’s families. On summer
trips to Norway, my mom and I would walk from one friend to the next, often
making the two minute walk to the nearby grocery store and café together.

In summary, both of my parents were social. In different ways, yes, but very
social. The article by Ben Wiseman made me think about these things in a way
that left me with a sense of longing. My story – the one I’m going to tell my
children is much less interesting. It’s not as social or full of life.

My response to this article, however, is a double-edged sword. I think that some
of Wiseman’s reasons are wrong, or at least not all-encompassing, and that the
experience of my parents, together with my own experience, can provide a
different perspective as to why we may not be as social as we once were.

To address the argument of pressure: Both of my parents, my father especially,
grew up with pressure. Pressure isn’t something that only comes from the
outside. Pressure comes from within anyone who is self-motivated, and who has a
dream. We shouldn’t assume that the pressure from our parents can measure up to
the pressure we put on ourselves. Therefore, I don’t believe that pushy parents
have driven teenagers to use Facebook and twitter as an alternative to
face-to-face social interaction.

To address the media: First of all, media is a projection of the technology we
have developed. The Vietnam War was the first to be broadcasted on television,
on which everyday Americans were exposed to the propaganda put forth by the
United States government. It may be true that parents have increasingly begun
to shorten leashes when it comes to curfews, but I see this more as evidence
that our society has less faith. Houses are farther away from one another, and
the rise of the service industry has made us more independent, such that no
longer need, rely on, or even trust each other.

Wiseman argues that Facebook and Twitter shouldn’t be held responsible. I agree – but I
do think that technology in general has played a much larger role in de-socializing us than our parents have. Technology makes things too easily accessible. Technology, not each other, is what we turn to when we’re bored.

It helps to approach the situation by performing an exaggerated thought experiment. What
would you do if you had nothing to do except talk to someone? I would choose to
talk. Talking builds upon itself. It’s one of those things that gets better as
you keep doing it.

I think my parents, and parents everywhere, lived a life much more similar to this than
our lives are. Neither my mother nor my father had a computer or a PlayStation.
My dad didn’t have a television and my mom confessed to finding it boring as
watching TV hadn’t become so teenager friendly yet.

My dad enjoyed playing fighting games, just like boys do today. The difference is that
the fighting game was real, and physical. He couldn’t play video games, so he
had to play it with other people. Danger aside, it was a source of social
interaction. My mom always had her friends nearby. She and her friends took
turns walking over to each other’s apartments and having sleepovers.

Meeting up with friends was a major part of life – just as big as being on Facebook and
watching YouTube videos is for us now. Today, there are a lot of other options
– and thus our inner lazy kicks in. Technology isn’t something that we get
bored of. You can’t read it too many times like you do a novel.

Logistically speaking, it’s easier to access the entire world, and catch up with all of your
friends via the internet than it is to physically be with friends. Expansion,
because of westward exploration, the Civil War construction of railroads, and
invention of automobiles, has brought us closer together and farther apart at
the same time. The ability to drive makes it easier for my parents to get from
Houston to Nashville in thirteen hours. It also makes it more reasonable to
build houses farther apart, and meeting spots more isolated from residential
areas. Both of my parents lived next door to their friends, and so socializing
face to face didn’t require much planning or scheduling. In the subdivision I
lived in it was much harder to get in touch with friends. My closest friend was
a half an hour walk away, so meeting up required driving around and we didn’t
always feel as though making the drive was worthwhile.

Despite all of this, I’ll never look at Ben Wiseman’s article with negative eyes. It
was thought provoking and rebellious – something I really appreciate after
having read much of the same in many different articles. I truly believe that
“teens are addicted to each other” and I know that my arguments and experiences
don’t represent the experiences of the whole society. However, I just don’t
think that the reasons are as simple as Wiseman’s. De-socializing is the price
we have paid for exploration and innovation. Technology is our friend that’s
always there. Our “real” friends are irreplaceable, but they’re also far away.
Expectations haven’t changed; our inner desires haven’t changed, and parents
haven’t suddenly gotten meaner. Our social lives are different from our
parent’s because our environment is different and it is technology that
ultimately shapes this.