Rhabdomyosarcoma and Proud

Age 1.

The age I was diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma. In plain terms, Rhabdomyosarcoma is a rare type of soft tissue cancer that often occurs in children, and I had it in my right pelvic area. When my parents found a firm area on my body, they took me to the doctors. Of the 4 stages of cancer, I was diagnosed with stage 2.5, and the cancer was nearing the stage of metastasis, when it would start spreading through my body. I was 18 months old, and I could have died from a disease that I could not even pronounce. As a baby, I had no idea what was happening to me and had to rely on my parents, who also had no idea what was going on because they had just immigrated to the United States from China. I began receiving cancer treatment, which consisted of chemotherapy, radiation therapy, and surgery. I lost much of my weight and all of my hair. I couldn’t eat normally; instead, they inserted a feeding tube into my chest. There were nights when my white blood cell count dropped almost all the way to zero. The doctors performed procedures so risky that I had a huge chance of never being able to use the bathroom normally or walking around by myself. But finally, after 10 months of exhausting treatments, confusing medical jargon, and fear of getting worse, I was declared cancer-free.

Age 11.

The age I realized I was the same and different. On the outside, I seemed like a normal girl. On the inside, I felt different from everyone else because of the physical and emotional aftereffects of cancer. I thought that I was alone, because no one seemed to understand my life or what I was dealing with physically. I gave up trying to tell my friends because I figured they would not understand that their harmless Mac n’ Cheese was my creamy plate of disaster. I gave my friends excuses instead of telling the truth about my physical condition. I told them I was lactose intolerant instead of telling them that my body could not handle digesting certain foods. I was tired of constantly reminding my friends of my condition and embarrassed that I was different. My family was the only people who knew the details of my life. In 6^th grade, I met my English teacher, Mrs. Fuller, who changed my entire perspective on cancer. She was 65, diagnosed with cancer, and was ready for whatever came, even if it meant losing her life. Mrs. Fuller was the first person outside my family I opened up to about my cancer story. I told her about my anger, embarrassment, and sadness. She showed me her strength and positivity. She helped me look at cancer differently; instead of it being an inhibition on my life, I should be proud that I overcame such a deadly disease. She helped me realize that the things I was ashamed of were also the things that proved my strength, and I should be proud of sharing my story. Mrs. Fuller became my mentor and role model. We talked about her fight with cancer, and she inspired me to become stronger and more optimistic. A year later, she unfortunately lost her battle to cancer and passed away before 8^th grade started. When I found out, I cried harder than I ever have in my entire life. The mentor who had helped me through some of my toughest challenges was gone forever. I decided that in honor of her, I would follow her advice and be a proud survivor of cancer. I had promised her that I would never be ashamed again for winning my battle, and I would live my life helping others find their strengths.

Age 18.

The age I reflect and look forward. When I look back on my journey, I think how foolish I used to be for feeling ashamed of cancer. Whenever I meet people now, I tell them the whole story of my cancer battle, because I am proud of being a survivor and unembarrassed of being different. Sure, I still cannot eat Mac n’ Cheese like everyone else, but I no longer say that I am lactose intolerant; instead, I say that I am a cancer survivor and have certain aftereffects from the medical treatments. I try not to talk about it too much as I don’t like to make it the focus of my life, but I also don’t try to ignore it anymore. Cancer is a significant part of my development. This past year, I was diagnosed with lymphedema, a rare condition that causes swelling due to fluid retention caused by a damaged lymphatic system. It can occur to people who have damaged lymphatic systems or people who have received cancer treatments that have harmed their bodies permanently. My right leg swells up because lymph gets trapped there and my lymphatic system cannot cycle it through my body like a normal person’s. My life and activity are compromised today, but I still remain strong and proud of beating cancer and now fighting lymphedema. I remain positive about my life and thankful that I am even blessed to live such a great one. It is as Mrs. Fuller used to quote from Joshua J. Marine, “Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.”