The Conversation

Just the other day, I had The Conversation for about the one-thousandth time.

What ARE you?

What? Are you asking me where I’m from?

Yeah, where are you from?

I’m from Atlanta.

No, like, where are you REALLY from?

Atlanta.

No, like, where are your PARENTS from?

My parents are from China.

Oh…. ok.

As an Asian American female, I have found myself in this situation so many times. At first when I had these Conversations, I was usually half exasperated and half annoyed. The unknowing stranger would think that just because my features are not American, I must not be American. That I did not grow up eating burgers and fries, reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in class everyday, or knowing the first rules of football or baseball. That just because of my appearance, I was somehow less American than my fellow neighbor. Part of me was always annoyed. On the surface, I smiled and said that I am Chinese. But on the inside, I threw imaginary balls of fire at them and screamed, “I AM CHINESE. WHY ARE YOU IGNORANT.”

However, I can’t blame them. I understand where they are coming from. Truthfully, most of the unknowing strangers I have had The Conversation with are probably just curious. They see a different appearance and wonder where I could possibly be from. That curiosity drives those unknowing strangers to question and to probe until they get interesting answers. A Chinese kid who was born in the local hospital and went to the school down the street from you for your entire life is not as interesting as a Chinese kid who was born and bred in China and is now studying abroad in America.

I get it. The unknown and the different fascinate us all. I myself have to admit that I have been the unknowing stranger at times. I have asked the ignorant questions as well. However, having been on both sides has taught me to not take The Conversation too seriously. The unknowing strangers mean no harm. After all, they are unknowing. Some might simply be curious, and others might actually be ignorant. And whether or not they are one or the other, the least we can do (and by “we” I mean not just my fellow Asians, but all minorities alike) is just to have The Conversation, inform our unknowing strangers about our individual cultures politely, and learn to not be offended and to not take their ignorance too seriously. I have learned that I cannot just expect someone to know that I am Chinese just by looking at me. Not only would I be asking them to unreasonably read my mind, but I would also be allowing stereotypes to rule their thought processes. For example, a common stereotype is that Chinese people are especially good at Math. However, if the unknowing stranger were to see me be good at Math and use that as direct evidence to prove that I am Chinese, the stereotype that Chinese people are good at Math would just be accepted and perpetuated. Over time, I have learned to not take The Conversation so personally and to try to be more understanding when unknowing strangers ask ignorant questions.

Today, when I find myself in The Conversation, I still smile and answer the questions politely on the surface. However, on the inside, I no longer throw imaginary balls of fire; instead, I secretly chuckle to myself. Some of the questions I hear during The Conversation are reasonable, such as “What ethnicity are you?” and “Where are your parents from?”. I would have asked these questions myself if I were the unknowing stranger, because they are understandable to ask. However, some of the questions I receive just make me think to myself, “What were they thinking??” It is as if because I am Chinese, I am from an entirely different planet. But instead of being offended by such ridiculousness, I now take it upon myself to find humor in such situations. For instance:

Can you tell me how to say this word in Chinese? What is my Chinese name?

Do I look like Google Translate?

How do you tell each race apart?

Well, science actually shows that the Japanese have higher cheekbones…

Really??

No.

Don’t all Chinese people eat dogs or something? Have you ever eaten dog?

Just because a portion of my race does something outrageous does not mean that everyone has done it.

Are you related to [anything with the last name Li, Kim, Chen, Park, etc]?

Are you related to everyone with the last name [Smith, Jones, Martin, etc]?

Wait can you understand the other Asian languages?

Just because I am Chinese does not mean I understand Korean.

Do you ever get tired of eating rice?

Do you get tired of eating hamburgers?

Of course, these questions are somewhat ridiculous, but I have been asked all of these questions at least once in my lifetime. And instead of assuming the worst in my unknowing strangers and thinking of them as ignorant or racist, I try to understand their curiosity and find the humor in the situation. So now when someone asks me, “What ARE you,” I give this response: “My name is Jennifer Li. I am a Chinese-American female born in Atlanta, GA, and my parents are from China.”