Matt’s House – Boise, ID – “I think the ethical egoist perspective makes sense; people should act in their self-interest,” said Matt. “Everyone would probably be happier!” I thought about this for a moment. That couldn’t possibly be right. If people just did whatever they wanted to, then where would society be? Cooperation is of the utmost importance when discovering solutions to societal problems. Steve Jobs got the graphical user interface idea from a visit to the company Xerox. James Watson and Francis Crick worked together to identify the double-helix model of DNA using data from Rosalind Franklin. All the discoveries and inventions in the world have built on the intuition and research of others. If we abandon this cooperation, then how can society progress? I argued to Matt that human civilization progresses when people possess a mindset of cooperation but regresses when people put their self-interests ahead of the welfare of others.
Stevenson Building – Nashville, TN – Almost done. As I finished washing off my beakers, graduated cylinders, and test tubes, I overheard three girls talking to our chemistry lab TA. “We don’t actually have to measure the volume of the room right?” asked one of the girls. Upon hearing this, I smiled. Of course, nobody wants to take rulers and measure the length, width, and height of the room. Most people would rather wait for someone else to do it for them. “They probably did all their calculations first in hopes of someone else measuring the room,” I thought to myself. Reluctantly, the girls began to measure the room’s dimensions with the three available meter sticks as I began my own calculations. In the middle of determining the length of the room, the girls were asked if they needed any help by another classmate. Since there were only three meter-sticks, they declined any help. I finished half of my calculations, and the girls finished measuring the volume of the room. A few minutes later, I heard someone say with disbelief, “Are you serious?” Another person had asked the TA for the value that the three girls had calculated, but the TA told her that they didn’t want to share the information. Tension filled the room. The three girls finished the rest of their calculations as the guy who had offered to help began to measure the length of the room. While the three girls quickly walked out of the lab, everyone else helped measure the room’s width and height. The glares pointed at the girls’ backs were as sharp as knives.
Salem Middle School – Cary, NC – Before the vaccine existed, polio had devastated many families. That’s what I learned in school today in Social Studies. Polio epidemics ravaged populations and severely affected young children. After thousands of years of polio’s reign of terror, a hero vanquished it forever. Jonas Salk – the hero of this story – developed the first polio vaccine and rid most of the world of the disease. Salk could have made billions from patenting this incredible advancement. However, when asked who owned the patent on the vaccine, Salk answered, “Well, the people, I would say. There is no patent. Could you patent the sun?”
Matt’s House – Boise, ID – After we had tired ourselves from arguing our contrasting perspectives, we agreed that we were both partially right. Matt conceded that society’s growth would be hindered if the pervading societal mindset were such that all original ideas and works were not to be shared. Without any cooperation and a certain amount of benevolence, the current state of humanity would atrophy. I agreed that one’s own self-interest should be more important than helping other people when one’s quality of life would decline as a result. An impoverished man with two kids shouldn’t have to donate his earnings to a charity to help others instead of feeding his two children. As such, we decided that as long as cooperation is not actively hurting anyone, it is the best course of action. In the midst of our discussion, we had forgotten about our homework that was due the next day. As we resumed our homework, Matt asked, “I don’t understand this problem, could you go through it?” A second passed as I thought about it, and then I answered, “Of course.”
I really enjoyed the format of your essay. The organization made it really easy to follow your different vignettes and each tells its own interesting, seemingly unrelated story. I like how it was all fit together in the end and that you started and ended with the same place. I also really enjoyed the ending—it spoke volumes without actually having to explain it. I thought it was very well crafted. I know word count could be an issue but I think maybe one or two more snapshots would be very helpful to your entire piece. I think it’s just missing a little bit more connection. I also notice the Salem section is the shortest, which makes it seem like it was thrown in there rather than deliberately included. Overall, I really enjoyed this piece.
Hi Moon, I know you’ve already gotten a lot of comments on this essay, but I thought this was really interesting so I decided to comment anyways.
I think you did really well in bringing your point across in the first paragraph, although you do take a huge risk in never “arguing” anything explicitly, or stating a specific purpose. I also think that the uniqueness of this essay, in terms of its structure and tone is the reason why everyone seems to want to read it. I like that you kind of just lay everything out on the table for the reader and largely keep your own voice out of the way. Again, though, this is taking a huge risk – there is a chance that people will feel that too little is contributed from the author.
But overall, I think it was a successful essay. Good job!
I really like the organization of this essay and when you say “sharp as knives”. I did get pretty confused at points of the essay and think that the story in the second paragraph could have been significantly shortened so that you could spend more time on the next paragraph. I also really like the ideas working behind the scenes in this essay and think that having them explicitly stated at the end of the essay or the beginning would be beneficial for the clarity of the essay.
Moon, your essay was really interesting to read! I liked the structure of it, and I especially could relate to the anecdote about chemistry lab because someone in my lab period did what those girls did, and it annoyed everyone. I think the last section did a nice job of bringing in all the different stories together and incorporating the thesis. I do think that it would be helpful to somehow include the thesis earlier in the essay too, so that readers know what you’re trying to say from the beginning. Overall, great job!
Moon, this is a great essay– I really like your organization, as the paragraphs flow almost like stream of conscious writing but all connect to each other very well. You present a nice view into your mindset and the importance/impact of generosity and cooperation. I would, however, make a slightly more explicit argument here for the benefits of cooperation (I feel the conclusion kind of fizzled out without giving a clear stance on the subject). Nicely written, good work!
I like how the organization of your essay is different than the typical linear narrative and how you’ve broken it up! I agree with Erin, your theses seems somewhere in the last paragraph that you both agree that cooperation is best when one’s own self is not hurt. I think your essay would benefit from directly stating this. Maybe an introduction and conclusion paragraph? Just a thought…
I really liked the structure of this essay. You did a good job integrating your argument into scenes from your life. However, I think it would be beneficial to step outside these scenes and state a thesis. It could even be just one sentence at the beginning, but I think it would just clarify your argument. I really liked, however, how you pulled scenes from different times in your life, demonstrating how universal the idea of cooperation is. Good job!