Language and Double Standards (cont)

This is a particular topic that I’m pretty passionate about so I’ve decided to do 3 blog posts on the issue of the double standard that exist across the gender binary from a the standpoint of sexual expression. As I mentioned in my previous blog post I feel that the language men use when talking about having sex with women is one of the main reasons for this double standard. I want to expound on that a little more though. I said that the language we use when men talk amongst each other about having sex with women creates a victim/victimizer relationship between the man and the woman. Of course, the man being the victimizer and the woman as the victim. Another way that this relationship is created is with the language we use about sexual acts themselves. I’m around a bunch of men all of the time with fairly healthy sexual appetites. In other words, we talk about sex ALL OF THE TIME. What I have noticed is that when we talk about penetrating a fine young lady, we tend to speak in a almost violent tone of voice. When we talk about girls that we find very attractive, we tend to drop our voice an octave, similar to a growl almost and a look of aggression spreads across our face. We say things like “I would pound the hell out of her” or “I would tear that ass up”. In my opinion, using violent words like those to describe sexual acts again create a victimizer/victim relationship, even though we mean no harm in any way shape or form.

As much as we blame men for sexual double standards, I believe women are to blame as well. The way in which women speak about having sex makes it seem as if they are being victimized when they have sex. I have 5 sisters and I happen to have a lot of friends that are girls and I’ve picked up common expressions and reoccurring themes that pop up when women talk about sex. One thing I noticed that girls always say when talking amongst themselves about their wild weekends is “Did you give him some?” or “Did you give it up?” or “Did you let him…?”. I hardly ever hear girls say “Did you get some?” or “Did he give it up?” or “Did he let you…?” Another reason I blame women for these double standards is because of their use of the expression “Walk of shame”. When I hear girls say “I had to do the walk of shame this morning” it makes me feel bad that they have to feel guilty about having sex and sleeping over in a guy’s room. The language we use is to blame for these double standards. If we changed the way we talk about sex, we could eliminate the double standard.

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2 Responses to Language and Double Standards (cont)

  1. balembbn says:

    I agree that we have to be more cautious of the way that we talk about sex. Men and women definitely have a different way of talking about sex. Like a lot of the issues we discuss in this course, these differences are often subconscious and go unnoticed by most people. I thought your point about how language can set up a victim/victimizer relationship concerning sex between men and women was very interesting. I touch on this in issue in one of my past blog posts. There is this idea that one person has play the dominate role and the other has to play the submissive role. This can be tied directly to your point about how girls talk about sexual encounters with phrases like “did you give it up” or “did you let him,” implicitly implying that she is giving something up as opposed to taking part in an consensual act.

  2. brownmj says:

    Yeah man. It just seems that the way in which women have been conditioned to talk about sex greatly affects the way that women view sex in general. Often times I’ll hear girls use the word vulnerable when they talk about sex. And i just want to ask them why they feel that way. Do they feel vulnerable on an emotional level? a physical level? i don’t know. It seems as if they are having sex for a different reason than just feeling awesome. I want to ask them why they even want to have sex if they feel vulnerable? Do they feel pressured by their partner? Do they just want to please their partner? Do they feel threatened by their partner? I just know that “vulnerable” is a word I’d never use while describing a sexual experience.

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