You decide not to go to that party at the very last second. You convinced yourself that it wouldn’t be more fun than watching another seven episodes of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. It wasn’t worth your time to shower, then get dressed, then drive there, then remind yourself to nod when people are talking to you, then decide when the least awkward time to leave is, then figure out what kind of goodbye you have to give each person. Does she deserve a hug? Is she going for a kiss on the cheek? Should I give this guy a handshake or is he going to grab my thumb for some kind of cooler handshake? Do I even dare a high-five?
Sometimes it’s not just worth the trouble.
But then the night’s pictures look like the credits from the Hangover with less Asian male frontal nudity (unless those are the kind of parties you like to go to and you didn’t actually miss anything). You catch bits and pieces of the night’s events and the fear of missing out really starts to kick in.
That gorgeous girl was feeling the full wrath of her self-esteem/daddy issues.
The guy everyone loves told an epic story people will be talking about for years.
Everyone was laughing and smiling and talking about how much you suck and how thankful they were you didn’t show up with your fucking stupid fucking face.
Well that last part may not be completely true. But that’s how someone with FOMO’s mind works. It’s a poison that makes social suicide a slow painful self-inflicted death.
FOMO is very much a 21st century problem. We constantly check Facebook to see what people are doing and who they are with. You don’t even need to be at home watching Guy Fieri eat moose testicle paninis in Shitdick, Montana. You can miss out from anywhere now with smart phones. You could be getting 3D blowjobs from a 2005 Jessica Simpson hologram but you’ll still be all over your phone to make sure no one from elementary school or your grandma’s book club is getting blown by the real 2005 Jessica Simpson. A person with FOMO’s mind is so completely fucked, they could convince themselves they are missing out on a blowjob from 2012 Jessica Simpson.
A FOMO sufferer works on the assumption that their presence won’t change the thing they are missing in the slightest. They think that the experience would be exactly the same and they would just be apart of it. False. If you have FOMO, odds are you would make it worse. Everyone is having fun because the person who texts them “hey” three times a day to no response won’t be nervously laughing at jokes they missed out on the first time. There’s more joy and happiness in the world because the FOMOer is left out. For every person with FOMO there’s another person who’s glad they aren’t there. In fact, your friends are going to keep updating their Twitters and taking “selfies” because if they can give someone else FOMO then whatever crap they’ve decided to do gets weirdly validated. Don’t give in.
We suck because we value other people’s time more than our own. We are able to see what everyone else is doing and we are afraid that it’s better than what we’re doing. Anything is better than blankly staring into your phone. It’s not hard to miss out when you’ve looked at the same Facebook album 6 times in a row and your TV has been on TLC for nine and a half straight hours. The best way to beat FOMO is to stop caring about what other people are doing and just do something. Anything. Just go. The fact of the matter is someone is doing something better than what you’re doing right now. You are missing something every instant of your life. Being afraid just makes what shitty thing you are doing even shittier.
Enough with the FOMO. You’re missing out on your own life by trying to live a different one.
