Listen, I’m not into genocide or ethnic cleansing or anything Hitlery like that, but I think we can all agree that there are just too many people. There’s too much traffic. There’s always a wait at the Cheesecake Factory. Asians. There are almost 7 billion human beings on this Earth. I don’t know how we could actually fix the problem without feeding African babies obese Americans or putting everyone who can’t name the Vice President into a Hunger Games fight to the death, but something has to be done. Fast. Here are three people I think we can all agree just have to go. They don’t need to breathe our air or drink our water anymore, their need for attention has already stolen precious moments of our life. Spend a minute or two more so you understand what we’re dealing with, then go over to your nearest Long John Silver and sterilize everyone inside. Not sure why but I’m sure the people there are just as dumb as these.
Me being a Jew using a video of a German to make a point about lowering global population may not be the best idea, but regardless of the revenge factor, this guy has relinquished his right to existence. Did he make us laugh? Sure. Is he going to be an Internet sensation for a few hours? Probably. But this guy has just as much capability of reproducing as you and I. He will eat pounds and pounds and pounds of schnitzel in his lifetime, literally taking food out of the mouths of not morons. I spent the last 50 seconds of the video after the jump hoping he would fall right through the ice and I know you did too. Don’t feel bad for hoping he would freeze to death- It’s a completely natural reaction. The second we saw his stupid bathing suit our animal instincts told us he had to go for the preservation of our gene pool. Unfortunately for us, our gene pool isn’t frozen over like this one and this guy is going to dive right in.
We don’t usually want to get political here but I think we can muster up a bipartisan effort to get rid of this lady. She is an actual obstacle to the advancement of mankind. Just study it out. She is spending her Thursday afternoon not working, or taking care of kids, or doing anything of worth. The thing didn’t even start for another 3 and half hours, she was probably camping out for another 3 hours to be that close to something she could have watched on TV, and there’s no way she was even allowed into the debate because she would run onto the stage and try to kidnap Paul Ryan and bring him back to her house/ meth lab/ cat sanctuary. Just using words she doesn’t know and then trying to make Chris Matthews who gets paid to know what a communist is feel stupid. The worst, and I mean the absolute worst part of this video, is she probably went home and watched it a million times, loving it more each time she watched it. She probably really actually seriously believes she convinced people that Obama is a communist through her insightful argument. Okay that’s not the worst part. Those sunglasses are.
This is Justin Jedlica. 32 year old guy who had 90 cosmetic surgeries costing over $100,000 so he could become “a real life Ken doll.” Not only is he so unbelievably stupid but he has fucking money. If someone is batshit crazy enough to want to be a real life Ken doll taking all their money away and giving it to people who need surgeries for battle wounds or breast augmentations should be the first thing we do. It shouldn’t even get to the point of having thirteen surgeries on your ass. The plastic surgeon should have called the police the second he walked into the door and sent him to jail. It should be illegal to be this person. He would probably be played with like a doll more in jail than anywhere else anyway.He has fake biceps because, as he says, “working out isn’t glamorous or fabulous.” Well you continuing to walk around and do stuff isn’t working out for us.
As great as it would be, I’m sorry to say we can’t just kill dumb people. We just need to hope and pray the ice breaks or one of Ken’s fake testicles explodes.
