Have we been shitting wrong?

These squatty potty people have some nerve telling everyone they can’t even doodie the right way. I can only imagine if I walked into a bathroom with one of these stools without having seen the video first. I’d think either a midget lived there or some bulimic girl’s knees were really starting to get sore.

So many little gems in this product description. I took an embarrassingly lengthy amount of time to denote them for you with surprisingly entertaining Microsoft Word AutoShapes.


Alright, lets take it easy for a second. This is NOT a more refined way to use the toilet. They literally want us to shit like apes, they say so themselves in the video. I’m sure if you walked in on someone using the stool it would be next to impossible to not to make direct eye contact with their anus. If you’re barging into occupied bathrooms  you have enough issues without that. Plus, the only times when someone’s knees are next to their ears is when they are pinching one off into a brown paper bag or lighting a fart on fire. Yeah just what I was thinking- refined.

if you are new to squatting

Baseball catchers and Holley Mangold, you guys are ready for expert mode. Us beginners still need our training wheels. And I think the accepted term these days is Squatting Impaired. Insulting. Are 7 inchers second-class citizens or something? Last time I checked this was America.


If you ever, ever find out someone you know bought one of these Tao Chicken Lo Mein Bamboo stools you need to immediately unfriend them on Facebook in real life. Just stop associating with them period end of story. They can use a phone book. They can pick someone up at Home Depot. They can even put their feet on the actual toilet seat- for free. If they are dumb enough to buy this who knows what they are capable of. I’d rather have constant diarrhea then spend 80 bucks on this thing. It’s only a matter of time before its is covered in poop particles, brownish green/greenish brown, and headed for the trash anyway. That’s why I ALWAYS close the lid before flushing. Don’t want deuces being sprayed onto your toothbrush or the bottle of stuff you masturbate with. Flushing habits should be like the third thing talked about on a first date. Serious deal breaker.

I digress…

Final word goes to this guy’s YouTube comment.

Can’t really say it better myself. Who am I to try to argue with 508 Internet points?

This entry was posted in bathroom, crap, doodie, kaka, poop, poopie, potty, shit, stool, toilet. Bookmark the permalink.