Election 2012

Congratulations to our President Barack Obama on his reelection as the 44th President of the United States. Just look at this guy. Was anyone actually seriously thinking about replacing this man with Mitt Romney? I’m not one to be worrying about fate or what’s meant to be, but I think last night’s events affirm that everything won’t completely suck. Not yet at least.


Think back to four years ago, the first time Barack was elected. Regardless of party, race, age, gender, sexual orientation, or anything that divides our nation apart- watching Obama’s ascent to the highest office in the land was nothing short of remarkable. The way he preached about a hopeful future amidst two wars and a financial crisis. How he looked at his wife and kids, genuinely humbled and happy to be our nation’s father figure. All the Sarah Palin’s, Michelle Bachmann’s, Karl Rove’s, and Rush Limbaugh’s in the world didn’t matter. Barry O reassured us it was going to be all good, and he was the one who we could trust to make it okay.

Obama was the one who had the background, the insight, the attitude to take America away from the white Christian conservatives. People who have been getting the right end of the deal for thousands of thousands of years and into the 21st century all while their numbers dwindled, their dogmas became more extreme, and embarrassment and shame no longer mediated their code of conduct. Barack made us realize that an American has no one skin color, religion, or political ideology. The United States was formed as place where all men are created equal and everyone has the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Barack Obama could bring this vision to fruition for our society because he had already done it himself. His heritage did not limit him just as our past will not limit us. Planes crashed into buildings on 9/11. Wars are being fought around the world. But we will emerge victorious and stronger than ever. That’s what we told ourselves in 2008, and no debt crisis, health care bill, or Mormon should have made us second guess our selves, our own hope. Last night proved Americans already know what’s in their history books. We have a vision for our society and Mitt Romney is just a footnote in this story. He is Byron Scott trying to guard Michael Jordan. He is just a name and a bug squashed along the way towards destiny. We were always supposed to be a place where we unite around being humans seeking opportunity, searching for the good life. A place where differences were not only tolerated but celebrated. A place with free, responsible discourse as educated men and women discuss and compromise to find actual solutions for real problems. A place where Barack Obama could happen.

Now don’t for a second think that I just love everything about elections and America and people and hope. I might as well just delete this blog right now if that’s how I felt. We still have a ways to go to escape all that is suck. But look at the progress we made in just one night:

A man with no interests, hobbies, or emotions does not have to represent all of us on a global scale. He will go homes to not drink, not smoke, not watch sports, not like movies or TV, not listen to music, and most importantly not be our President.

Marijuana was completely legalized in Colorado and Washington for recreational use. Weed will be regulated and sold like alcohol for all people above the age of 21, as well as taxed with at least $40 billion per year in Colorado going to constructing and maintaining school facilities. We can now get stoned, promote new business, and have cleaner schools. Freedom and democracy working at its finest. People can do what they want and society can improve. Let’s see a bill abolishing abortion do that.

Wisconsin elected an openly gay woman to be a United States Senator. Another step in the right direction towards a society that reflects our forefather’s hope for us. Tammy Baldwin is more American than any gay bashing, Jesus brainwashed, NASCAR watching, “’Murrica” idiot. She overcame unequal circumstances and doubts about something completely irrelevant to her ability to govern in order to hopefully provide future Americans of all types with a better shot for success.

Tea Party candidates struggled in Senate and House Elections. Overall, 3 Tea Party backed politicians lost and support for Michelle Bachmann declined even as she remained victorious. Maybe the last few years were just an episode of insanity. Maybe we turned the corner. Michelle Bachmann said God fucking talked to her and told her to run for President. Well what’s God saying now bitch? I think he’s saying people like you do more disservice for Gods everywhere than any type of people in the world. Taking advantage of simple people’s wishes to be good and go to heaven so you can create a Christian country in one that separates Church and State? A country where women have no choice but to raise a child conceived from rape or incest? A country with inferior black, Latino, gay, transsexual, and poor people? McAvoy- take it away.

We did it America. For the one night that we couldn’t afford to suck, we didn’t. I’m sure tomorrow we’re going to go back to molesting our children and shooting innocent people, but today we can rejoice. Today Barack Obama is moving forward as our President and we need to all put our trust behind him so we can get shit done. Period. We are all Americans- crazy assholes, white people, and smooth, chocolate-skinned, three point shooting Presidents alike.

God Bless America. And please do not fuck this up.


Wow. To think that this is post-loss Mitt Romney. You know if Obama would have lost we’d have pics of him chilling on the beach in Hawaii with a topless Michelle bringing him drinks. Never understood why people gave Obama such a hard time for not being American because his dad was Kenyan. He’s not American because he’s from Hawaii.

“Fuck this Mitt Romney shit. I’m leaving the country on the first flight to Honolulu. Aloha bitches!” -hypothetical runner up Barack Obama


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